Goodbye old feelings, Hello 2015.
Hello lovely people of the internet,
2015 has arrived and that means we have to say goodbye to 2014.
It's safe to say 2014 has been eventful and pretty packed with some of the best days (and evenings) and in some cases, the most emotional days ever.
My anxiety took told at the beginning of the year and has yet to release its hold on me (but is better now), especially when having to travel which is what sets it off quite badly.
I had my first proper panic attack and have cried more times than necessary (at films mostly).
But even with that shit-storm happening this year has been my favourite so far, I feel I finally came into my own, made good life choices, was more adventurous and I saw my friends tonnes more than ever before (which was lovely).
I realised that although I have made some monumental mistakes in the past, they have helped me grow up and come to terms with the fact that everything isn't always going to be okay, but it will get better (and then shit again probably, as is life) and that's okay too.
Now, all year(up until now) there was one thing always 'haunting' me from years ago that I just could not shake.
There was one person in my life that I regret letting go of immensely like the type of regret that makes your heart real heavy, your head pound and mind race.
I was only 16/17 at the time and I was quick to banish people from my life in the click of a finger without listening to what they had to say.
My attitude was 'fuck you, you hurt me now I'll hurt you' this attitude was born from years of people completely walking all over me, so anybody who I let close, if they even had a bad word to say about me was gone, in my mind that was the best thing for it.
However, this person (although I refused to acknowledge back then) I loved, like properly would've done anything for him, loved and the short of it is that in a fight he said some mean things and that was it for me, I cut him out and he tried to contact me every day but I refused to even look at the messages.
(P.s. Although I shouldn't have reacted the way I reacted to a silly comment during an argument, please don't let people treat you poorly or call you names, you can cut toxic people out and I have done with some people that I'm glad of.)
He moved away shortly after and haven't seen or heard from him since.
I'm now almost 20 and know that I did and do in fact still love him but the choices I made when I was younger were a bit foolish, my attitude now is far from that of 16 year old me.
I'm not scared to say if I love someone (even as a friend..chummy ;) and that's a huge step for me which I am so proud of, because believe me when I was younger I didn't even like hugging my family and I never used to tell my mum how much I love her, now she gets bored of how much I say it (she doesn't).
So my new years resolution?
1.Don't be so guarded, you're still only young
2.have fun, stop worrying about little things
3. let him and everything from your past go, he's not coming back and there will be others.
Anywhooo, welcome 2015 .... I love you already ;)
2015 has arrived and that means we have to say goodbye to 2014.
It's safe to say 2014 has been eventful and pretty packed with some of the best days (and evenings) and in some cases, the most emotional days ever.
My anxiety took told at the beginning of the year and has yet to release its hold on me (but is better now), especially when having to travel which is what sets it off quite badly.
I had my first proper panic attack and have cried more times than necessary (at films mostly).
But even with that shit-storm happening this year has been my favourite so far, I feel I finally came into my own, made good life choices, was more adventurous and I saw my friends tonnes more than ever before (which was lovely).
 |
| Some good moments this year :) |
Now, all year(up until now) there was one thing always 'haunting' me from years ago that I just could not shake.
There was one person in my life that I regret letting go of immensely like the type of regret that makes your heart real heavy, your head pound and mind race.
I was only 16/17 at the time and I was quick to banish people from my life in the click of a finger without listening to what they had to say.
My attitude was 'fuck you, you hurt me now I'll hurt you' this attitude was born from years of people completely walking all over me, so anybody who I let close, if they even had a bad word to say about me was gone, in my mind that was the best thing for it.
However, this person (although I refused to acknowledge back then) I loved, like properly would've done anything for him, loved and the short of it is that in a fight he said some mean things and that was it for me, I cut him out and he tried to contact me every day but I refused to even look at the messages.
(P.s. Although I shouldn't have reacted the way I reacted to a silly comment during an argument, please don't let people treat you poorly or call you names, you can cut toxic people out and I have done with some people that I'm glad of.)
He moved away shortly after and haven't seen or heard from him since.
I'm now almost 20 and know that I did and do in fact still love him but the choices I made when I was younger were a bit foolish, my attitude now is far from that of 16 year old me.
I'm not scared to say if I love someone (even as a friend..chummy ;) and that's a huge step for me which I am so proud of, because believe me when I was younger I didn't even like hugging my family and I never used to tell my mum how much I love her, now she gets bored of how much I say it (she doesn't).
So my new years resolution?
1.Don't be so guarded, you're still only young
2.have fun, stop worrying about little things
3. let him and everything from your past go, he's not coming back and there will be others.
Anywhooo, welcome 2015 .... I love you already ;)
Much Love
H x
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